Supernatural: Sassy Gay Friend Adventures
by Plain Old Shahhida
Summary: Meet Sam he's about to go into the pit because his brother told him to. This fate could have been avoided if he had a sassy gay friend! Will write other sassy gay friend adventures for Dean, Sam, Cass, Bobby, Crowley, Ruby, Dick Roman, and Meg! Read!
1. Dean Part 1

Sassy Gay Friend + Dean Part 1

Meet Dean from TV's Supernatural. He's about to return to Lisa, his old flame. This fate could have been avoided _if_ he had a sassy gay friend.

Dean looked through the window at Lisa and Ben. They were sitting down to dinner. He laid one hand against the cold pane of the glass and prepared to knock on the door. He lifted his hand—

"What are you doing? What, what, what are you doing?!" shouted a guy in an orange scarf, jeans that show off his butt, and black midriff top as he ran across the street.

Techno music seemed to play out of nowhere.

"Dean Winchester, step away from that door" said SGF as he twisted his neck with attitude.

"Bu Sam's gone. I have nothing left."

"So you come back to this whore. _This whore?", _SGF threw his hands in the air. "This is Lisa. We're talking about, okay? Lisa. Of all the whores you've been with , she is the worst. If you're looking for where Sam got his herpes I'd be looking at her."

"I guess it's a pretty bad idea…", Dean trailed off.

"Dean she had a kid with a random biker. So instead of lowering yourself to this level you're going to go find your brother and start slutting around again."

SGF looked behind Dean and squealed "P.S. _this is the best the Impala's ever looked_."

"_Really_?", smiled Dean.

"_Yes_! Oh my god. I can't believe you were going to let it sit in this whore's garage!"

Dean made a 'I missed a bullet' face.

"Come on, let's get out of here, you _stupid_ bitch", said SGF locking arms with Dean. "He's a _stupid_ bitch", said SGF lovingly.


	2. Sam

**For anyone who has not seen Sassy Gay Friend on Youtube. Go watch one of his video's now and then come back and read this. Or just read this.**

**It's everyone's best friend: Sassy Gay Friend! Now on Supernatural.**

**I own nothing**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Sam

Meet Sam of Kripke's Supernatural. He is about to let Lucifer take over his body and throw himself into the pit all because his brother told him to. Unfortunately Lucifer takes over Sam's body and brings upon the Apocalypse. Now there is Hell on Earth. His fate could have been avoided _if_ he had a sassy gay friend.

(Cue fashion catwalk theme with flickering rainbow lights. A guy in blue jeans that shows off his butt, a black flower printed midriff top, and an orange sparkly scarf is prancing about. Sassy Gay Friend logo appears next to him.)

Sam was about to utter the word he had been terrified to say in front of Lucifer for a long time. He was going to say _Yes_. He looked at Dean one last time. Dean looked like he was going to piss his pants right there. Bobby and Cass looked scared but held their tits. Lucifer stood waiting.

Sam opened his mouth, "Y—"

"What are you doing? What, what, _what_ are you doing?!"

Sam blinked and looked at Sassy Gay Friend (SGF) that suddenly appeared beside him.

"I'm going to say…yes", said Sam real confused like.

"Wwwwhyyyy?" SGF stretched the syllables out. "You're gonna let a so obvious closet gay, an old fart, a handsome devil, and a guy with diseased leprosy spots on his face bully you into unleashing HELL. ON. EARTH?"

"Well...I…" Sam stuttered.

"Well, I" mocked SGF. "Sam, you followed Dean when he asked you to help him find his father and that got Jessica _killed_. You _sucked_ Ruby's blood because she told you to _kill_ Lilith and _that's_ when ugly happened, right?", SGF gestured to Lucifer.

"Hey", said Lucifer, slightly hurt.

"Well you are." SGF sassed. "Invest in some foundation for _pete's_ sake"

"And what about your _father_? Your _father _bullied you your whole life into becoming a hunter, right? And now you're a thirty year old guy that crosses state lines in an old ass car, chasing after the boogy-man, and sleeping with your brother in motel rooms! No wonder people think you're gay for each other!"

"Hey!" Dean shouted. "What the hell are you doing here?!"

"Well, I just came in time to stop Sam from making the BIGGEST mistake of his life." SGF turned to Sam and gripped his shoulders. "Sam, look at your life. Look at your choices. Should you _really_ be doing this? Do I even have to ask?" SGF made a concerned face.

Sam stopped and thought about it for a second."No… ", Sam said weakly then stronger, "No I shouldn't."

Dean, Bobby, and Cass all looked shocked. "Sam!" Lucifer looked furious, he shouted "What?!"

Dean stepped forward. "Sam!"

"No, Dean. He's right. Why should I throw my life away? I have potential—god damn it, I went to Stamford!"

"That's right you _stupid_ bitch. He's a _stupid_ bitch." SGF said proudly to no one in particular. "Let's get out of here you _stupid_ bitch."

Sam and SGF put their arms around each other and walked out of the room.

Dean and Bobby looked at each other real exasperated like.

"Wait", said Cass to Dean. "Are you the closet gay or the handsome devil?"

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**Ha I was so bored I just came up with this one day. Tell me what you think! Review!**


	3. Castiel

**Sassy Gay Friend is back on Supernatural!**

**As always-I own nothing. All rights reserved to Sassy Gay Friend and The CW.**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Castiel

Meet Castiel of Kripke's Supernatural. He's about to defy Dean's direct orders and swallow the souls from purgatory so that he can have ultimate power. In doing so he also swallows Leviathans. They take control of his body and eventually turn humans into one big happy meal. His fate could have been avoided _if_ he had a sassy gay friend.

(Cue music, lights, SGF prancing about, and SGF logo)

Castiel finished painting the blood sigil on the wall of a distant alleyway alone. He was about to repeat the opening gate to purgatory incantation. He could almost feel the epic power of a thousand souls. Saliva dripped out of his mouth. He was so close. He opened his mouth—

"What, what, _what_ are you doing?!" SGF appeared and wiped the corner of Cass's mouth with a napkin.

Cass looked confusedly at this strange human creature. "I don't underst—"

"Castiel. Now I know you are not out here about to swallow those souls after you _practically_ promised Dean you weren't going to! And in this dank and dark alleyway. What were you thinking? I mean—what's _that_ going to do to the Destiel fans? Have you thought about them once since you went on the _cockamamie mission_?"

"No-I…" Castiel stammered.

"NO. YOU. DIDN'T.", SGF poked Castiel in the chest, "_Big _boy. What about Dean? You would do this to him after _everything_ you've been through? _After everything_? You defied heaven for him!" SGF flicked his scarf over his shoulder.

"And for God's sake boy, take off those horrible clothes! Trenchcoat's haven't been in since David beat Goliath! Phew! Have you ever even taken a _bath_?"

"I guess I have been in the wrong", admitted Cass.

"Well, now's your time to do some right. So put down that jar of blood. Mmmm-hmmm." SGF daintily took the offered jar and set it down on a garbage can. "And give me that incantation. Mmm-hmm, that's right." SGF tossed the paper away. "And let's get out of here you _stupid_ bitch. He's a _stupid_ bitch." SGF declared.

SGF wrapped his arm across Castiel's waist and led him away down the alleyway.

"Who are you talking to?", asked Castiel.

"Never you mind.", replied SGF.

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**I'm going to do one with Bobby next and then Dean. Maybe Crowley too. Anyway: Review. Review. Review!**


	4. Bobby

**Sassy Gay Friend is back with Bobby this time! Read on.**

**I OWN NOTHING.**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Bobby

Meet Bobby of Kripke's Supernatural. He's about to say no to the reaper who wants to reap his soul. He wants to stay and watch over Sam and Dean. As he does this he is stuck in ghost limbo and is eventually turned into a vengeful ghost. His fate could have been avoided _if_ he had a sassy gay friend.

(music, lights, SGF prance, SGF logo)

Bobby looked straight at the reaper.

"Come with me Bobby. You've done enough.", replied the Reaper. He held out his hand.

Bobby opened his mouth to tell off the Reaper ."I have no—"

"What, what, _what_ are you doing?!" SGF huffed over to Bobby.

"Who the heck—"

"I just _know_ you are not about to refuse _paradise_ for Sam and Dean. What _are_ you doing? I mean I wouldn't refuse paradise for Serra Le Vanne heels! And they are just _perfect_. Are you out of your _mind_? Did _that_ bullet knock a few screws loose?"

"No-but", Bobby stammered.

"And of all things you choose to attach your spirit to is a flask. A flask, Bobby, a _flask_. Why not just scream out to the whole world: Lonely, drunkard, celibate, old man, Bobby. Why not?"

"I thought—"

SGF grabbed Bobby's hands and brought them real close. "No, you weren't thinking, Bobby. Just like how you're not thinking _now_. Look at your life. Look at your choices, Bobby. Do you _really_ want to do this? _Really_?"

"I guess not." , said Bobby.

"Of course you don't , you _stupid_ bitch. He's a _stupid_ bitch. Now go with the nice man, will you? SGF pushed Bobby lightly toward the Reaper.

SGF shook his head smiling. "Bye, _stupid_ bitches!"

The Reaper smiled. "See you tomorrow." He and Bobby laughed and walked off into the distance.

SGF smiled until he got it.

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**Don't worry. Nothing is going to happen to SGF! Dean next. Review!**


	5. Dean Part 2

**Sassy Gay Friend and Dean! Mwa ha ha ha! Because only my twisted brain could have thought of this!**

**I nana own nana nothing!**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Dean Part 2

Meet Dean of Kripke's Supernatural. He's about to sell his soul to a crossroads demon so he can bring Sam back from the dead. He will not get ten years for his contract but one year. He eventually get mauled by hell hounds and dragged to hell. His fate could have been avoided _if_ he had a sassy gay friend.

(music, lights, SGF sass prance, logo)

The crossroads demon circled Dean. "So what's it gonna be, big boy?" She stopped in front of him. "Aye or nay?"

Dean did that unfair smoldering thing where he looks down and back up real intense. "You got a—"

"What, what, _what_ are you doing?!" SGF floated down from the clouds with a harness embezzled 'SASSY'.

"What? It's about time I've made an exciting entrance. I don't get paid for this like Mio, you know."

SGF unstrapped the harness and flicked his scarf over his shoulder.

"Dean, _are_ _you_ serious. _Are_ you? Are you _really_ gonna do the same thing your father did? Your _father_, Dean? Don't you remember how horrible it was to watch him die for you, Dean. _Do you_? And now you're gonna do the same thing for Sammy? Slow down crazy, slow down. "

"But I love him", confessed Dean.

"If you really love him you'll let him rot in the ground. I mean you're _a_ _hunter_, right? What if that thing you brought back to life isn't _really_ him? You're gonna trust a tramp on the side of the road with freaky eyes? She probably has a disease!" SGF snarked.

The crossroads Demon furiously cocked her head at SGF.

"Well, you shouldn't be out late at night in a cocktail dress, missy. It's questionable."

"Ummm", said Dean, "Can we get back to this?"

"Dean, look at your life. Look at your choices. Do you really want to do this, huh? You could have already been with Lisa, for cryss-sakes and been with your almost-son! Dean, what do you want? You are not honor bound to bring Sam back, YOU KNOW! Just leave him Dean."

Dean did that unfair thing where he looks down real sad and makes a cry face but is still somehow cute and not ugly like when other guys cry.

"There, there. You _stupid_ bitch", patted SGF. "He's a _stupid_ bitch."

"Is this gonna happen or what?", said the crossroad's demon crossing her arms.

"You see its statements like _that_ -that make you sound like a prostitute." Then to Dean he said "Get out of here you _stupid_ bitch."

Dean walked off toward the Impala. SGF smiled at his back.

The crossroads demon huffed, threw up her hands in the air, and walked away.

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**Do I dare do one for Crowley? Review please!**


	6. Crowley

**Sassy Gay Friend and Crowley. Their intense sexual atmosphere will keep you entertained I hope! **

**I.O.N**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Crowley

Meet Crowley of TV's Supernatural. He's about to stab Meg and refuse giving back Bobby's soul to him. This causes Castiel to occur with Crowley's original bones and burn them to a cinder. This will cause Crowley to ruin his $10,000 Armenian suit. His fate could have been avoided _if _he had a sassy gay friend.

(cue SGF twirling to and fro to disco lights and catty techno music. Sassy Gay Friend logo appears next to him)

"I can't means I cant you stupid dumbass!", Crowley said raising his rough voice to Castiel, "I need his soul! Souls are power!", he fisted his one free hand; then he said softly to Sam and Dean ,"If it does any good, I'm sorry".

"Then I'm sorry", Castiel lifted his hand to let the match drop on the bag of bones at his feet.

"What are you doing? What, what, _what_ are you doing?", SGF burst through the side door.

"Hold it, mister", SGF told Castiel. Then to Crowley he said "I just can't believe it. You are just going to fake your death and ruin that Armenian suit, Crowley?! It is_ hand stitched_, for god's sake! Custom made! Do you know how hard it is to just find complementary clothing in this day and age! And you were just going to ruin it?! _Ruin it?_!"

"Fake his death?!", yelped Dean.

"Oh shut up, don't you see I'm talking here!", SGF sassily replied to Dean. "It cost _10,000 dollars_, Crowley. _10,000 dollars_! That's more than Africa makes in a month or Lindsey Lohan in a porno!", SGF huffed. "And you were just going to let it _burn_, you big slut! I mean- you must be mad if you ever think you're going to find a suit this _awesome_ again!"

"You know, I like your gumption", said Crowley "You obviously know quality when you see it. More than I can say to the Hardy boys and Nancy Drew over there."

"I know", SGF said in a loud almost whisper, "I think they wear the _same thing_ everyday"

"Do you know it's inlaid with baby ovules and the buttons are carved out of human molars", Crowley boasted to SGF.

"You _stupid_ bitch! For real?", SGF ran his hand down the lapel of Crowley's jacket excitedly.

"Oh yes", Crowley raised his eyebrows to SGF.

SGF made a flattered 'come hither' face. "You're so stupid, Crowley. I just can't believe you were going to ruin it, you _stupid_ bitch. He's a _stupid_ bitch.", SGF trailed one finger down Crowley's face.

"You've got what the demons call...sex appeal."

"Now I'm a _stupid_ bitch", giggled SGF.

Meg shifted awkwardly behind them.

"Let's get out of here, you _stupid_ bitch.", SGF wrapped his arm around Crowley and put his hand it Crowley's back pocket and gave it a light caress. Then they walked off together.

"What am I going to do about this boner, Dean?", Castiel said out of nowhere, looking down.

"What?!", yelped Dean

"That is the correct term, Dean. Boner?"

"Don't worry", Meg smiled, "I'll take care of it."

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**REVIEW! Dick Roman up next!**


	7. Dick Roman

**Temptation, temptation. SGF and Dick all in the same room? Oh and of course the evil leviathan too!**

**Try to catch all the innuendo's I hid in here!**

**I.O.N**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Dick Roman

Meet Dick Roman of TV's Supernatural. He's is about to launch his new commercial for SucroCorp. Unfortunately it is douche-baggy and tacky. He will lose the respect of the Supernatural fandom community for being an intelligent, cutely cocky, evil Leviathan and instead become a laughing stock. His fate could have been avoided _if_ he had a sassy gay friend.

(cue techno music, an array of colored lights bouncing off a round sparkly ball, and SGF dancing and eating sausage. SGF logo)

Dick sat at the computer control panel. His believed his commercial was fantastic and informative and slightly gave off that 'yeah dude we need this' human outlook. It was the most beautiful thing he created. He had tears in his eyes as he watched the screen fade to a black. His finger hovered over the launch button that would screen this commercial across every television set in America and South Korea. Dick smiled his narcissistic smile and prepared to press the button.

"What are you doing? What, what, _what_ are you doing?", SGF shouted as he popped up between Dick's legs from under the desk.

"What were you doing under there?", Dick asked rather calmly whilst raising an eyebrow.

"Stopping you from making _the most_ retardant thing you'll do in your entire life! Have you gone totally wanker?! This is worser news than the second coming of Christ, honey! When I look at this commercial I think to myself 'what a train wreck. What an _absolute_ train wreck.' You are better than this! You don't have to lower yourself to this!"

"But I like it."

"You _actually_ like this crap? _It looked like a Clark Kent wannabe_ _commercial_! I was embarrassed and I wasn't even in on it! It was just corn everywhere and was totally corny!", SGF raised his hand and slapped Dick's knee."I felt like doing that to you. I thought about it twice last night and again this morning!"

"I guess you're right. It does seem stupid. It's so hard. It's so hard to make a good commercial."

"I know, honey, I know", SGF said comfortably, rubbing Dick's knee."Those are some nice shoes!", peered SGF, "What size do you wear?"

"Nothing less than seven inches", replied Dick. "Do your knees hurt from being on them so long?", asked Dick, concerned.

"Well, I've been under here so long, I'm stiff."

"Keep it in your pants", winked Dick.

"Ohhh, you're bad. You're a bad mamma jamma", gushed SGF.

"I'll take you shoe-shopping one day, sweetheart. It'll be a real treat."

"You know what I see?", SGF confessed happily.

"What?" asked Dick warily.

"A smart wonderful man."

Dick smiled a normal smile.

"And a _stupid_ bitch. Now get out here ya dumb whore!", squealed SGF thrusting Dick out the door.

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**TOTAL INNUENDOS: 13**

**My favorite was the last one 'thrusting Dick' and 'second coming'**

**Review!**


	8. Meg

**SGF and Meg!**

**Enjoy, stupid bitches!**

**I.O.N.**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Meg

Meet Meg of Kripke's Supernatural. In an effort to have a weapon to kill the hell hounds she kisses Castiel and reaches into his trenchcoat for it. Castiel, ignoring her intentions, lifts and drives her into the wall while pawing at her like a wild animal. She learns he learned it from the Pizza Man: a horrifying fact. This fate could have been avoided _if_ she had a sassy gay friend.

(SGF did the jerk to disco lights and music; he blew a kiss, SGF logo appears beside him)

Meg eyed the heaven's weapon inside Castiel's trenchcoat. She couldn't take it from him without him noticing. She needed a good distraction…when she realized the best distraction of all! After all he's still in a man's body even if he's an angel. Didn't Dean once take him into a 'den of inquity'? She licked her lips and began leaning toward him—

"What are you doing?", SGF said turning the corner and pointing and flapping his finger at Meg, "What, what, _what_ are you doing?"

"What does it look like?", Meg kept her composure.

"What does it look like, honey? Let me tell you. It looks like you were gonna cut you some slice of heavenly pie, that's what! And right in front of Dean?! Are you crazy? Destiel fans will be coming after you in your sleep! What makes you think _this_ would work out? A demon and an angel? You guys go together like outlet plugs and a puddle of water. You guys go together like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. You guys go together like women and presidency. You guys go together like Bobby Singer and Crowley. You guys go together like hair found in soup. You guys go together Lindsey Lohan and success. You guys go together like Prince Harry and Vegas. You guys go together like—"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it does sweetie. You are a cutie with a booty. You don't need this mess", declared SGF moving his hands in a circular motion toward Castiel. "You most certainly don't have to stoop to such a slut-like manner, mmmkay? He is gonna get ideas about you, do you want that, huh? A _reputation_? And whatever the hell happened to asking? Castiel, may I please have that delightful little angel torture weapon? Oooo that sounded kinky."

"I guess you're right", said Meg uncomfortably.

"You damn right I'm right you _stupid_ bitch.", confirmed SGF. "Stop, drop, and roll right out of this natch!", he yelled.

Meg turned the corner and sauntered away.

"She's a _stupid _bitch.", SGF said crossing his arms and shaking his head.

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**I'm sad, only Ruby is left to go! Review please!**


	9. Ruby

**I want to thank everyone who reviewed and read Supernatural: Sassy Gay Friend Adventures. I want to especially thank Silent Howler, kurmalover011, DoctorwhotaliaandtheOlympian s for their continuous reviews. I want to thank cuddyclothes who, when I was reading "I feel Pretty", gave me the thought of this. I want to thank Sassy Gay Friend and Supernatural for existing and making my Wednesdays and free time all the more exciting. I had a great time writing this series. I'll miss this. **

**I.O.N.**

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Sassy Gay Friend + Ruby

Meet Ruby of TV's Supernatural. She is going to manipulate Sam into killing Lilith. Lilith's demise will result in Lucifer rising from the cage. Dean busts through the door and Sam (when realizing of her deceit) holds Ruby while Dean slits her throat with the demon knife. Her vessel looks like a deflated hag-bag. This fate could have been avoided _if_ she had a sassy gay friend.

(SGF in a black midriff top, cute booty jeans, and his signature sparkly orange scarf. The usual disco, rainbow lights and techno catwalk music with the logo appearing next to him. He waves goodbye)

"Do it, Sam! Do it right now!", Ruby shouted, grabbing Sam's arm. She was so close; she could feel it in the tightening of her nips. Lilith looked up from the stone pillar where she was pinned. She met Ruby's eyes and gave a slight decipherable nod. It was time.

"Sam!", Ruby wailed.

"What are you doing? What, what, _what_ are you doing?", SGF skidded from behind the pillar.

"Slow down pussycat, slow down.", SGF said to Sam while marching over to Ruby. "Just what do you think you are doing? You would use _Sam_ to kill Lilith? _Sam_? The boy can barely keep his shoe on from falling down the storm drain and you think he could kill a demon with white eyes!? Are you a complete dumbass? Do you have any brains knocking around in that pretty little skull of yours?", SGF huffed.

"Excuse me? He's the most powerful human on earth!", Ruby countered.

"Hello! Wake-up call! Sam could never kill Lilith, kk? He runs away _every time_ he sees her! At the police station, at that crazy little girls house, the hotel. I bet he is piss scared now. Are you piss scared, Sammy?" asked SGF.

Sam looked uncomfortable and looked at Ruby back to SGF and shrugged trembling.

"You see that?! He's so scared he can't even answer me, the pussy. And you would trust this boy to bring about the Apocalypse? He can't even go around anywhere without his brother! He is like a suckling baby to his brother's teat. This retard will _never_ grow up, Ruby. He will _always_ go back to Dean!" "I gave him my blood. He should be strong enough!", Ruby revealed to SGF.

SGF mouth dropped open. "You big slut!"

"But—"

"Save it, Dracula. I'm not buying any shit today. You would do that with Sam!? Sam?! Everyone he has ever been with gets hurt or _dies_! Jessica, that werewolf chick, Amy Pond; he is like a sign that says 'Sex: instant death'. He is Family Guy's Death person. " SGF grabbed Ruby's hands. "Look at your life. Look at your choices. When did you become a prostitute? I used to respect you."

"I guess you're right", admitted Ruby.

"You're so crazy Ruby. I can't believe you thought Sam could kill Lilith!"

Ruby and SGF roared with laughter. Sam looked hurt while Lilith looked on furiously, still pinned to the pillar.

"You're such a _stupid_ bitch. She's a _stupid_ bitch.", SGF sighed.

Ruby and SGF locked arms and walked out of the church past Dean who was waiting patiently outside the room.

They walked off into the burning orange sunset.

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**Sassy Gay Friend: proving time and time again that your life isn't complete without one.**


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